President Trump Assures Iftar Guests: Dinner and Waterboarding Will Start After Sunset

Washington, DC – Wednesday evening, at an Iftar dinner hosted by the White House, President Trump and CIA Director Gina Haspel assured all guests that dinner and waterboarding would not start until after sunset. Per the Islamic tradition, Muslims are required to abstain from food and drink between sunrise and sunset during the holy month […]

New Speedy Gonzales Mosque Will Finish Taraweeh Tonight

Saudi Ariba, Mexico – In a fast-paced outcome, Masjid-ul-Speedy Gonzales announced its congregation will complete taraweeh tonight, twenty-three days earlier than scheduled. Taraweeh is an evening supplication typically performed during Ramadan and consists of a recitation of the entire Holy Quran. Because the prayer includes all verses from the holy book, Muslims will spread taraweeh […]

Airlines Cracking Down On Emotional Support Manimals

Chicago, IL – On Monday, domestic airline carriers announced they are tightening rules for flying with Emotional Support Manimals (ESM), requiring passengers to show authorized proof of need and some form of guarantee the manimal will not be a threat to other passengers. “We’ve seen a significant uptick in the number of Emotional Support Manimals […]