Presidential Candidates Get Swirly Thingies in Eyes When Asked About Israel: Moderator noticed candidate behaviors suddenly shift from relaxed to robotic, and the appearance of a dull red light glowing from their chests.

Hempstead, NY – A strange, paranormal-like moment transpired during the Presidential debate Monday evening when both candidates were questioned about their policies toward Israel. “All of a sudden, both candidates seemed like they were in a daze and their eyes got all swirly,” said moderator Lester Holt who spent most of the debate in the […]

After Brexit, Trump Demands US Leave EU: Republican candidate's thoughts resonate with supporters.

Little Rock, AR – Speaking to supporters at a rally on Friday morning, presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump congratulated Britain on its successful vote to leave the European Union, and said its time the US did the same. America is proud to stand shoulder-to-shoulder w/a free & ind UK. We stand together as friends, as allies, […]

MSNBC News Crew Still Smells Like Spices Three Days After Storming Into Pakistani Apartment: “I’ve showered ten times… yet I still smell like turmeric.”

San Bernardino, CA – As MSNBC cameraman Steve Jarrett put on his work vest Sunday morning, he closed his eyes to avoid the pungent fumes of chicken tikka masala hitting his face. It has been three days since his news team broadcasted live from suspected shooter Syed Farook’s apartment, yet the entire crew has yet […]

Startup Seeks to Fund Muslim Survival Kits: Muslims Enduring Xenophobia (MEX) is expected to launch its first product in Q1 2016

Austin, TX – Addressing the challenges of heightened Islamophobia, a pair of Austin entrepreneurs has taken to ‘GoFundMe.com’ to raise money for a worthwhile endeavor.   The two Texas-born partners have developed Muslim survival kits as a means of protection for people of the Islamic faith living in less-than-friendly environments. The University of Texas alumni and cofounders, […]

Editorial: Where the hell are the Muslim voices condemning terrorism?!?: “Trying to find a Muslim condemning terrorism is like trying to find Waldo in a sea of nothing but Waldos.”

Last week the world witnessed horrific violence across various parts of the globe, including attacks in Beirut and Paris that left hundreds dead and the rest of us shocked, saddened and bewildered. As suspected, the extremist group Daesh (ISIS) has claimed responsibility. Although the group’s position reveals a twisted and radical ideology rather than the […]