Palestinians Keep Getting Dead Somehow: Innocent Israel Confused How This Happening

Israeli authorities are baffled as they investigate mass deaths in Jerusalem following recent Palestinian protests. The death toll is somehow rising despite Israel doing nothing harmful whatsoever and just minding it’s own beeswax. They swear. “These people seem to have gotten dead on their own,” shrugged Chief Investigator Uzi Rayfel. “We don’t understand it. They’re […]

Before Leaving Saudi, Bannon Sprays “Muzlims Go Home!” On Side of Mosque: Tillerson: “I remember thinking it didn’t make any sense… aren’t they already home?!?”

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – On Sunday evening as the Trump delegation left Saudi Arabia for Israel, White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon reportedly requested the convoy to abruptly pull over at a nearby mosque. Much to the confusion of the entire staff, a frustrated Bannon then pulled out a can of spray paint from his […]

Sensitive to Local Customs, Trump Lands In Saudi Arabia Wearing a Burqa: The U.S. President said the gown was 'soft' and 'fantastic'

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – Kicking off a five country swing across the Middle East and Europe, President Donald Trump arrived in Saudi Arabia donning a burqa, an outer garment some Muslim women wear to cover themselves in public. According to his staff, Trump wanted to ensure his first international trip as President was a public […]

Lone Wolf Condemns Latest Terror Attack: Animal fears backlash against his marginalized self

Whitehorse, Yukon – Fearing predictable repercussions after yesterday’s mass shooting, lone wolf Randy Wolfowitz held a press conference on Thursday sharply condemning terrorism in all its forms. A visibly frustrated Wolfowitz clearly expressed his contempt for the senseless violence conducted in his name. “Let there be no doubt… I unequivocally condemn any acts of violence […]

Muslim Satirical Publication Struggles To Get Through This Shit: "This is crap. He wasn't supposed to win."

Expressing disappointment they couldn’t publish a slue of articles on the night of Trump’s presumptive loss, writers at the popular Islamica News publication expressed anger and frustration on the election of their new orange overlord. “This is crap. He wasn’t supposed to win,” lamented one writer. “I spent over 15 minutes writing new material and […]