The following is an editorial written by Margaret Smith whose views and opinions are her own and do not reflect the viewpoints of Islamica News. @paranoidmarge
Hi America. It’s me, Marge… your insanity check for the week. Many of you have been begging me to post the recipe for my ‘Fudge Islam’ brownies, and I promise your dear hearts I will soon. They even made me a ‘Fudge Islam’ t-shirt, because they know I won’t wear the original version – it’s not Marge appropriate.
Now you may have heard of the rallies we have planned this weekend, protesting mosques and the spread of the evil religion of Islam around our beloved country. Well I’m here to set the record straight. You see, it’s not the mosques we fear – dear God no. It’s what lies dormant beneath each and every one of them: fire breathing dragons!
Now I know you’re probably asking yourself: ‘Marge, Muslims say they’re a peaceful bunch, why on heaven’s earth would they have dragons living underneath their places of worship?’ First of all, no they are most certainly NOT a peaceful bunch, and secondly I should know. I get all the information I need from Facebook posts and comments sections, and let’s just say if we don’t get this Muslim thing under control we’re going to have flames of sharia law spewed from the skies across the union.
I read somewhere that the ‘Middle East is on fire.’ Hmm I wonder why… DRAGONS.
You see, right now the Muslims are here just pretending to be peaceful and unaware of these evil dragons. It’s called ‘Taqiyya’ or ‘Taqueria’ or something – anyways it means they can lie about the dragons. Once it’s time, they pray to the head dragon, ‘Ramadan.’ Ramadan can’t eat or drink any water because it affects his ability to breathe fire.
At sunset, Ramadan emerges from underneath the mosque – conveniently located here in Tennessee by the way – and activates the other mosque dragons. All the mosque dragons will then combine to form ONE GIANT SHARIA DRAGON WITH RAMADAN AS THE HEAD AND TORSO!
America needs to wake up! This has happened in Europe already. Need I remind you of the plight of Beauwolf or Smaug’s horrific desolation in the 1950’s? Thank goodness for the legendary crusaders that were able to tame these barbaric beasts and drive them back to Istanbul.
Can we talk to them and make peace? Absolutely not. That only promotes the spread of dragon eggs which are microscopically small and can be airborne. Have you ever tried to get rid of dragon eggs from a mattress? It can take months.
The only way we can combat these Muslims and their flying reptilian friends is by rallying around mosques with guns and grammatically incorrect messages on poster board. The misspellings in our messages confuse the dragons and interferes with their sense of direction, ultimately paralyzing their wings. We’ll then teach them the ways of inbreeding to nurture the destruction of their species.
So join me my fellow Americans as we come together this weekend and unite around a beautiful cause to combat the wicked ways of sorcery, black magic and flying serpents. We’ll promote the message of love and peace by encouraging these dragon-loving communities to go back to their lairs. That is if the Muslims ever get to the mosques on time. They always be draggin.