Facebook Unveils ‘Start Civil War’ Feature To Address Current Political Crisis

Menlo Park, CA – Starting Wednesday, all 2.3 billion Facebook users will be able to declare civil war on one another based on their proximity and interests. CEO Mark Zuckerberg unveiled the new feature at a developer conference in San Francisco earlier this week, and is part of an ongoing response by the social media giant to […]

Hurricane Tours Destructive US President: Climate elements over Texas get a first-hand glimpse of the active threat to the US mainland, full of tweet-storms.

Houston, TX –  The latest Atlantic hurricane got a first-hand glimpse of the destructive leader of the free world on Tuesday, surveying the erratic entity as it flew over Southeast Texas. Clouds above and floodwaters below joined in awe as they witnessed the threatening specimen capable of menacing policy and tweet-storms, make its way across […]

Report: Enough White People Died to Activate Facebook Flag Overlay: Social Network Activates Filter for User Profiles

PALO ALTO, CA – In the aftermath of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, Facebook headquarters confirmed the minimum threshold for dead white people was met and activated their popular “flag overlay” filter. The filter allows social network users to easily ruin their profile picture based on Facebook’s arbitrary decisions of what constitutes a worthy tragedy. […]

Halal Beef Bacon Declared Unfit for Human Consumption: Muslim Scientists Reveal Finding After Years of Research

DARIEN, IL – At a press conference earlier this week, a group of Muslim food researchers declared all forms of “halal beef bacon” as being unfit for human consumption. The finding was the result of a study examining the popular beef-based substance. “Have you tried this crap?” remarked Research Director Dr. Haroun Jaleel regarding the […]

Texas School Celebrates Brilliant White Student’s Homemade Clock: “We’re not sure what it is, but I’m pretty sure it can cure cancer.”

Irving, TX – A Texas high school celebrated a moment of innovation and genius yesterday as 14-year-old student Alfred Mulholland revealed a clock he made using a pencil box, a circuit board and wires. The staff at Irving High School were made aware of the student’s invention when the improvised device emitted a beeping sound […]